A quote that will always stay in my head is one that I received from a woman who was 105 years young… “youth is wasted on the young.” She said this during a conversation we had that started with me asking her what lessons she has taken from her life. I thought these were wise words from a woman who lived over 100 years, but as it turns out, this is a common phrase which I believe was said by Oscar Wilde, and basically means that young people often fail to fully appreciate their youthful energy.
When I am at the bedside of someone who is coming to terms with the reality that they do not have much time left, the thing I hear about most is their regret. Regret for not living their life fully, for not truly appreciating it, for not doing the things they always said they would one day do, and for not savoring life with child-like excitement, often feeling they wasted some of their life when they should have been enjoying it more. There is regret about not appreciating the people in their life, for not making more memories with them, and for not letting them know often enough how much they matter to them. But the thing that I can appreciate most, and that I see often, is when people regret holding on to things that happened in the past; things that were said or done to them, things they said or did, and most of all, holding on to anger and disappointment so tightly that it got in the way of having healthier relationships, and choosing instead to hold tightly to those that caused pain. Not letting go of those heavy emotions also interferes in relationships that could have been mended long ago, and I see this often as well.
Working in the end-of-life field has been a gift and a blessing to me on more levels than you can possibly know. It has taught me how fragile life is and how much time we waste on things we should have let go of a long time ago. In my lifetime, and since I was a small child, I experienced physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse. I spent my whole life carrying the weight of all that was said and done to me, but worse, I allowed it to interfere in how I saw myself, always settling for less than I deserved, never seeing my own worth. I made some bad decisions, and I had unhealthy relationships because that was easier, and more comfortable.
Because of the work I do, and all that I have heard from those who were dying, I saw more clearly that I was the one in my way, not those who caused harm. This was a huge eye opener for me. It inspired me to find a way to let things go and to live my life without the heaviness. It took a few years, and a lot of therapy, but I finally realized that what others say and do are not on you, and you can choose to let it go. I learned that forgiveness does not mean condoning what was said or done, it simply means finally saying “this is not my weight to carry.” I forgave what was said and done, I let it go, and for the first time in almost sixty years, I learned how beautiful it was to breathe without a chain around my neck.
My point in being so vulnerable and transparent with you is to encourage you to let the weight go, and find a way to breathe with more freedom, and savor however much time left you are gifted. No one gets to determine your value or self-worth, they can’t prevent you from evolving as a human being and doing amazing things, and truly seeing the light through the cracks. We allow that, and it is time we take our power and our voice back and scream from the tallest building… “you cannot hurt me anymore.”
I don’t want to take anger, guilt, disappointment, or regret with me when I die. I want to be present in my own life in a way that brings me joy. I want to do good things, make a difference in this world, and savor my life with the kind of excitement children have, realizing that the youth is not wasted on the young after all. Sometimes it is taken from us, like it was taken from me. But sometimes we can get it and our voice back. I got mine back… and I have found happiness, peace, joy, and grace in everything I do now, and I am filled with so much gratitude.
"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." — C.S. Lewis
Please find a way to untangle the chains and drop them to the floor… you only get one chance at this life, and you are meant to experience joy, and to find peace. It takes work, it won’t happen in one day, but when it does, please trust me when I tell you that all that work will be worth it.
Find a way to let things go and feel the freedom of the release.
xo
Gabby
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