Today I sat with a husband who was preparing to say goodbye to his wife... When I asked him what I could do for him, he said "give me more time with her." We talked a lot about time and how we take it for granted, always assuming we have more...
This got me thinking about my own loss(es), and the grief I store on my shelf because it is safe there. Today I brought it off the shelf, I asked for it, I felt it, I sat with it for a bit... and while it made me sad and I full-blown-ugly-cried, it felt really good to be with it.
I thought to myself... this is my grief bubble. It's the place I can go when I want to be with it, which I know might sound weird, but it actually made me feel better. I never want to stop grieving my loss(es), because if I do, I am afraid that I will stop feeling what I feel right now... which is sadness from missing someone so badly (of course), and knowing I can never have them back, but also knowing that I was gifted them and I am truly grateful for that.
We are allowed to hang out in our grief bubble... it is the place where we can truly lean into our feelings. Today I liked it there... it might stay tucked away for awhile, but I know where it is, and I know I can go back there again, whenever I want to.
xo Gabby
I know what unmanageable grief feels like. When I was 21, my 18 year-old sister committed suicide. She and I were quite close. To say I was devastated - even today, those words feel like I'm minimizing. My family (4, now 3, kids, two parents) pretty much disintegrated. Heidi had made perhaps 18 attempts. In retrospect, after a certain number of attempts, one gets hardened to the trauma, and those of us in the family able to talk abt it developed a sense that it would simply never truly happen. That was myself, one brother and both parents. When it DID happen (8/6/79), we experienced a tidal wave of emotion. We all pushed apart. We gathered at my pa…
My grief is enormous right now. Its not ready to fit into anything. It shrouds me suddenly at any time in any place. I've been with people dying all my life but nothing prepared me for my Mammys death. It was peaceful like my Daddy's 14 years previously. Selfish I know but I'd love to have had more time with her. I'm sure that after reading your blog that eventually my grief will fit into a bubble or a bag.
I understand what you are saying. It is natural to want more time. My hardest loss was my only child, my adult son.
He and I reminisced good memories together. I tried to help him find peace, and I wanted to ease his journey. I contacted his closest friends and relatives and gave them time together to say goodbye, 1:1, as I stepped away to give them privacy.
My grief bubble is where his ashes were scattered- half close by locally and the other half is states away, at a lake he loved. I visit both places. I stay and reminisce better times. It gives me peace in my heart. I can let go of my grief where he is near…