A common piece of advice I give is: Listen without trying to fix, judge, or share how you would handle the situation... listen to affirm their words and let them know they are heard.
I can only speak from my own experience. Even though I know many others are grieving, while I am immersed in my own sorrow, I have genuinely felt like I was the only person on earth experiencing such profound sadness and pain.
One of the first things a close friend said to me after my brother died was, "I know how you feel." I instantly became defensive and wanted to shout, "YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA HOW I FEEL." I knew her brother had died, I knew she was grieving, and I knew she was struggling, but at that moment, I needed my grief to be about me.
I understand how selfish that might sound, but I have realized that we need to be somewhat selfish with our grief, we need to sit with it for as long as necessary, we need to nurture it, care for it, and honor the various stages the grief journey has in store for us.
When I first returned to work after my brother's death, I entered the room of a young man in his early fifties who was dying. Beside his bed was a woman in tears who looked up at me and asked, "how do I say goodbye to my brother?" Even though I knew the answer, I sat down next to her and offered guidance using the tools I had learned, without making it about me.
Perhaps the kindest and most compassionate thing you can say to someone grieving, who might be going through something you can relate to, is "you are not doing this alone, I am here for you," and provide them with a safe space to express their feelings, talk about their loved one, and cry. You might cry with them... and that's okay too.
Be the person who creates a safe space for others to be vulnerable and afraid, and the kind of person who can truly be trusted to listen.
xo
Gabby
I wrote my book "Healing a Grieving Heart" following the death of my brother as I courageously embarked on my journey through grief. This book helped with my healing, and I hope it can assist you as well.
You can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Grieving-Heart-Gabrielle-Jimenez/dp/B0CQMGH15F
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